Kia Ora and good evening folks. Welcome to the Kiwifruit News and Exciting Happenings Bulletin on this day Sunday the twelth of July, 2009.

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Residents battened down the hatches after the worst storm of the year (so far) hit the Kiwifruit Homestead with wind-gusts of up to 120kms an hour and torrential rain. Gumboots and items of wet weather gear on the back porch all suffered major flooding due to the lack of sufficient preparation by in-house staff. Sources inform us that management may be laying complaints after suffering from…”soggy socks”.

A disappointing outcome, that’s for sure.

In other news, Rodney the cat is still missing in action after an altercation with Max the fox terrier on the 4th of July. Witnesses advise that after bailing up the cat up the pohutukawa, the fox terrier then proceeded to corner him in the barn, at which point an assault was understood to have taken place. Max was retired with a cut to the nose, but there has been no sightings of Rodney since.

Our team on the front line are said to be investigating the matter…

Work is continuing at the Beige Barn after the new residents moved in last weekend. Our KN&EH reporter indicates that the cold is not so much of an issue, especially with an extra duvet and a beanie, and that temporary arrangements for the washing of dishes are semi-satisfactory after years of the luxury of dishwashers. However, all parties seem to be extremely happy, and having one’s own room is “really, really, really cool”, according to Niece G, aged nine.

{clears throat}
{peers over glasses knowledgably}

In breaking news, Kiwifruit News and Exciting Happenings has been advised that in a blatant disregard for property, local waxeyes (a small, native bird) have been pecking at management’s much prized guavas, causing irrecoverable damage. The said guavas were intended for the production of guava jelly, a much loved childhood treat of a certain member of management, and much swearing was heard on the discovery of the vandalism.

In-house staff have been reassigned on guava picking detail.

Yes indeedy, things are looking up career-wise for management this week, with a key member of staff embarking on a vital, off-site role. In-house staff have been invaluable with their support, providing backup in key, behind-the-scenes functions, which has enabled management to put in 110%. Both parties are said to be finding the current situation “extremely effective and highly satisfactory”.

And finally {assumes warm-fuzzies expression}, my word, yes, things are certainly peachy IT wise for the Kiwifruit Homestead, with the recent installation of a new desktop PC. Photoshop Elements 7 is functioning “like a dream”, with a little assistance from an extremely helpful wee book called Photoshop Elements 7 Book for Digital Photographers and there’s been no reported crashes or incidents so far.

Now that is good news, folks!

{Leans forearm on desk}

On that happy note, that wraps up tonight’s edition of Kiwifruit News and Exciting Happenings. Thanks for joining me, and have a very pleasant evening, indeed.

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